John and Martha King meet Bill Finagin

Hi, this is John King, and I'm the shortest pilot alive. This is my wife Martha who has won the international "worst shoes" competition for 3 years in a row now. We're here with Bill Finagin, international aerobatics champion and holder of the world record for inverted root canals completed on a screaming patient.

Today, we're going to ask Bill to take Martha up in his Pitts to demonstrate wisdom tooth extractions at -4g.

Martha: Are you ready, Bill? I'm really looking forward to this.

Bill: I'm always ready, Martha. I especially look forward to the spattering effect on the canopy.

John: Let's watch while Bill helps Martha into the Pitts.

Martha: Hold on there, Bill, aren't you getting rather personal with the chute?

Bill: You wish, Martha. I'd rather eat an entire naugahide recliner.

John: now that Martha and Bill are suitably strapped into the airplane, Bill has promised us a demonstration of ground effect in such a responsive aircraft.

Martha: What did you say, John?

John: don't worry Martha, I wasn't talking about you. Anyway, let's watch as Bill skims across the ground. See the aircraft shoot like a torpedo just 2 feet above the runway. It flies right to.....right to......OHMIGOD, he's taken it across Route 2, through the Crab House, and through someone's back yard. Martha, are you doing ok up there?

Martha: Holy shit! That was a poodle!

John: Are you sure it wasn't your hair, hon? We'll get back to Martha later. Bill, are you ready for the extraction?

Bill: Well, I do have this lovely "eject" button for special passengers. Oh? I'm sorry. You meant the tooth! Oh yes, I'm about ready here. But first, I want to take this opportunity to tell you that I'm an animal lover and didn't mean any harm to the poodle. I'll send a note to the owners when we get back on the ground. I just have to wait til the debris works it way off the propeller.

John: Good point, Bill. As we can see, Bill has now pointed the airplane straight up and is climbing at a ridiculous rate. Speaking of ridiculous, how's your face look right now, Martha?

Martha: Well John, I.....um......I....um.....WHERE THE HELL IS THE BARF BAG?

John: Martha, you can't do that on videotapes.

Martha: Well edit the damn thing out.

John: *REAL* pilots don't need edits! You've seen our other tapes!

Martha: Good point John.

Bill: Now if you get my beautiful plane messed up, Martha, I'll have to extract more than your wisdom tooth.

John: You don't need to adjust your sets at home. The slightly cyan color of Martha's face is correct.

Bill: Only cyan? I'll fix that.

John: As you can see, Bill has now climbed to 7000 feet in preparation for helping Martha with her color. It looks like he's getting ready for an outside loop. Bill? Are you sure you want to do that?

Bill:

Martha: What's an outside.....OOOOOOOHHHHHHHH SHHHHIIIIITTTTT!!!!

Bill: Now open wide, Martha!

Martha: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

John: As you can see, Bill has the needle nosed pliers in one hand, and the stick in the other. That's the control stick folks. He's reached over into the front seat. He's inserted the instrument into Martha's open mouth. He's found that the entire altimeter doesn't quite fit, and is trying the pliers instead. A wise choice, Bill. He's got a grip. He's pulling. He's GOT THE TOOTH! All right Bill! And he hadn't even reached half way through the loop yet! Now we know how the man won all those awards!

Martha:

Bill: She'll be ok John. She'll just need another couple of barf bags on the way down.

John: And there we have it. The rarely attempted and usually failed tooth extraction at -4g. Thanks Bill!

Bill: Ain't no thang, John.

John: And Bill, don't forget. Stay out of the trees!